Parenting for LGBTQ+ couples and individuals
Trying to navigate the steps towards parenting and having a child can feel confusing at times. There is not just one path to parenthood. Parenthood is a different journey and experience for everyone. The guidelines are not the same for everyone and no two experiences will be exactly the same. This is especially true for LGBTQ+ persons. Many queer people do not experience the same steps towards parenting that straight couples do. What we can think of as a “traditional” pathway to parenthood is not always applicable. Parenting for LGBTQ+ couples and individuals can be a reality in multiple different ways.
Adoption, foster care, IVF, and surrogacy are all ways that LGBTQ+ couples can grow their family.
Adoption
One option for anyone looking to raise a child is adoption. In the US, adoption is the most common among same sex parents. Same sex parents are 7 times more likely to adopt a child and 10 times more likely to foster a child than different sex parents.
Adoption can be a vastly different experience for everyone, and it is important to consider what kind of adoption you want to engage in. Many agencies, such as Adoptions From The Heart, encourage open adoptions. Open adoption is a process where biological parents and adoptive parents have contact with one another during the adoption process, and afterwards. The scale of openness and contact level varies from case to case. For most open adoptions, exchanging names, letters, and pictures is the minimum. In closed adoptions, the identity of the birth parent is not disclosed to the adoptive parents and child and there is no contact between them.
Finding an agency that is open and accepting of LGBTQ+ people is a crucial step of the process. Adoptions From The Heart is historically supportive of the community and has been since 1990. As a recognized leader in supporting and serving LGBTQ+ families by the Human Rights Campaign, AFTH focuses on inclusive and affirmative practices that promote safety and overall wellbeing.
Foster Care
Some adoptive processes include foster care. Foster systems work within the government and are not private organizations like how some adoption agencies can be. Fostering a child can be a step to adoption, but this is not a guaranteed process. Often times children in the foster care system are reunited with their families, and this is the end goal they are working towards.
IVF
In vitro fertilization is another option used by a wide range of parents. For same sex female couples, reciprocal in vitro fertilization is one direction towards parenthood. This service allows both partners to be biologically involved in the pregnancy. Also referred to as co-maternity, this treatment has one partner contribute the eggs while the other partner carries the child. Traditional IVF is a similar procedure, with only one partner contributing eggs and carrying the child. In both scenarios, a sperm donation is necessary to carry out the process. These kinds of treatments are becoming more popular for lesbian couples, as well as single mothers. Same sex couples and single mothers accounted for one in six of these procedures.
Surrogacy
Surrogacy is a process where a woman carries a child for a couple. Since other interfertility options do not lend themselves to male same sex couples, surrogacy is a common option.
There are two different types of surrogacy. Sperm will be used from one partner, and a gestational carrier carries the child to term. The carrier has no genetic relation to the child, having an embryo implanted through in vitro fertilization. In the other form of surrogacy, the surrogate acts as both the egg donor and the carrier. Many couples prefer to have a gestational surrogacy, since legal processes can be more straightforward if the surrogate mother is not genetically related to the child. Surrogacy law can be difficult in ensuring that the parental rights for the child are secured. There are some areas where this process is restricted and requires careful legal planning.
Legal Implications
There have been many discriminatory laws in the past, and there is a long-storied history following legality and acceptance. The current political landscape raises some uncertainties and worries about the future of LGBTQ+ family planning. It is important to know the laws and protections of the area you are in. While there are overarching federal laws, there can be a difference in state-by-state legislature. In some areas, agencies are allowed to refuse adoption placements on grounds of religious beliefs. IVF treatment faces some uncertainty, as federal protection laws are being continually blocked in the supreme court. None of these things mean that having a family as an LGBTQ+ couple is impossible. Family planning requires research of the laws and regulations in the specific area.
