When you’re deciding whether or not to place your child up for adoption, the decision can feel very daunting, heavy, and stressful. You may have doubts or feel shame, but ultimately the decision is up to you to decide what is best for your child. Whether you choose to raise your baby or place them with a family, you are being responsible and selfless by determining what is best for your little one given the circumstance. If you decide to place your baby with a family, worries may arise; however, there are ways to navigate through those valid thoughts. Here are some common concerns birth parents face when contemplating adoption and helpful ways to cope.
What if I am a bad parent for placing my child?
It is a common thought to have when placing your child, but the important thing to remember is that it is untrue. You are placing your child because it is the best decision for your child, which speaks volumes for you as a person. A lot of the time, circumstances are not in our control, so we have to plan accordingly. Everyone’s journey in adoption is unique, but as long as it’s a more suitable circumstance for your child, it may be worth the hardships adoption can bring. Also, if you choose open adoption, it gives you the opportunity to be with your child and build a relationship with them. If you are struggling with this, joining a birth mother support group can help battle the worrisome thought of being a bad parent.
Check out this link for support groups!
What if my child hates me?
In most cases, the open adoption allows for birth parents and the child to build a bond early on. Some grow to have great relationships with both the adoptive parents and the birth parents. The hope is that the child will recognize the circumstances that were behind the decision for placement. As mentioned before, the decision is based on what’s best for the child and their overall wellness.
What if the adoptive parents aren’t taking good care of them?
This doubt can be tough; however, statistics show that 88% of internationally adopted children from the age of 6 and older display positive social behaviors, while 85% of adoptive parents report the child is in excellent health. We recognize that things can go wrong, but you will have the chance to meet the family beforehand and have time to make your decision. Keep in mind, adoptive parents have to go through background checks, home studies, and other procedures to ensure the safety of the placement. The beauty of open adoption is that you can stay connected with your child and their family.
What if my friends and family judge me?
Judgment can be a heavyweight to bear. Reminding yourself of your reason for placement will help you navigate through other people’s opinions. As an expecting mother, you know what is best for you and your baby. Sometimes opinions may be hard to ignore, but helping your family understand through the information the agency provides to you can be helpful. The truth is, they aren’t the ones in your position. It’s important to understand that kinship placement may not always be what is best. You may have family offer help in the beginning, and as time goes on find yourself parenting alone. When it comes to placing your little one, expecting parents must be the ones to make that life-changing decision. If you find yourself needing support, you can look to friends or find a local support group with people who understand what you are experiencing.
Learn more about support groups here!
Finding out you’re pregnant when the timing isn’t right can be a hard thing to come to terms with. If you decide to place your child, it’s important to remember the reasons behind your decision. Placement is not an easy process for an expecting parent to go through. Experiencing doubt and loss can be tough, but finding resources and support is vital to help you navigate through your emotions. Allow yourself to experience your feelings and connect with others going through the same thing. There are many resources out there to help you. You are not alone.