While the test result says “positive,” facing an unintended pregnancy can seem all “negative” at first. If you feel overwhelmed, or scared, you’re not wrong to feel that way. Being pregnant is difficult, even for women who have planned and waited for years. But this isn’t an insurmountable obstacle.
Coping With An Unplanned Pregnancy
In the coming months, you’ll have to make some very difficult decisions.
The people around you might try to sugar-coat your situation, and while carrying your own child can be a gift, it’s not easy. Others might judge you; some people have the mistaken impression that only “certain” people should have children, or get pregnant at all. All we can say is that you should ignore them.
This is your body, your pregnancy, your baby and every choice you make is your own. Being pregnant is deeply personal, so surround yourself with people who will support your decisions, not knock you down.
1. Take It Day By Day
Obviously, pregnancy is a marathon, not a sprint. The average one lasts anywhere between 35 and 40 weeks, which is a long time by any standard. And before long you’ll have to start thinking about that big, uncertain future.
But that future will become more certain and more manageable every step of the way, as you make the right decisions unique to you and your baby. Over time, you can chip away at your anxieties and fears, until staring your situation in the face isn’t so daunting anymore.
Now, in these first weeks, it’s best to care for your immediate needs, before turning to any big life decisions. There will be moments when your rational mind and your emotions are at odds, to say nothing about the wave of new hormones which can affect your feelings as much as your body.
Focusing on small steps (making to-do lists that you can check off as you go is a good help) is the best way to start any journey.
2. Think About Your Health First
So first things first: visit a doctor. Nothing is more important than your own health, and now that there is another life inside you, your health is intimately intertwined with that of your baby.
This should be your first priority. You have a lot of options when it comes to health care. If you have a family doctor, like a general practitioner, make an appointment as soon as you can. You can try a specialized obstetrician, or a midwife, too.
The important thing is that you find a care provider who you trust. Once you’ve found someone who you’re comfortable with, leave the health decisions to them. Follow their instructions as closely as possible, and trust them to make the right medical choices for you and your baby.
At the same time, you can start preparing your body for a healthy pregnancy. This is a great opportunity, and a real reason, to improve your own well-being. If you smoke, use drugs recreationally or tend to choose unhealthy eating options, ask your doctor to help you stop.
Here’s a good overview of nutrients you’re body needs to support a healthy baby. You can find a lot of those things, especially folic acid, in a prenatal vitamin.
3. Prepare For The Effects Of Pregnancy
Once you’ve seen a doctor and stocked your pantry with healthy pregnancy foods, you can start prepping for the early symptoms of pregnancy. You’re body is changing at an incredible rate, and you’re sure to experience some of the following:
- Morning sickness
Not just in the morning. Nausea affects more than half of all pregnant women, and can last all day. Good thing it seems to end around 12 weeks. To reduce your discomfort, try eating smaller meals more frequently, drinking water around but not during meals, avoiding strong odors and heat.
Check with your doctor to see if it’s safe to take an anti-nausea medication.
- Fatigue
You’ll probably feel drained during the day. Take naps when you can, and go to bed earlier than usual. Unfortunately, pregnancy can make it harder to sleep: you might feel especially nauseous before bed, get heartburn or leg cramps.
Try eating light, bland meals at night to prevent nausea and heartburn, and check out these meditation techniques to help you slip into sleep easier.
- Frequent urination
During pregnancy, blood flows through your kidneys at increased volume, so you’ll probably feel like you have to pee every five minutes. That’s totally normal, and it can be even worse at night when you’re lying down.
There’s not much you can do about this, but try avoiding diuretics, like soda and coffee, which make you pee more. When you do pee, lean forward to completely empty your bladder.
- Food & Smells
Around 50% of women report experiencing strange food cravings during pregnancy, and they run the gamut: from boatloads of honey mustard to straight-up pickle juice. You might also experience a strong aversion to certain tastes and smells. Hormones are probably partially to blame, but no one knows for sure why pregnant women experience extreme sensory changes.
So should you give in? It’s a balancing act. If you crave foods that you know are healthy, feel free to indulge. If you’re cravings are on the unhealthy side, try these tips to outsmart your appetite.
- Sore breasts
Your breasts are changing dramatically, receiving more blood while breast tissue is actually restructuring to prepare for nursing. This can cause increased sensitivity, swelling and pain.
Make sure you’re wearing bras that provide proper support. Go for cotton bras, which are more breathable than synthetic, and take the time to get fitted in a department store. You can also buy maternity bras, and consider purchasing a few that are a little roomy now to leave space as your breasts grow.
Make sure to schedule regular prenatal appointments. The US Office on Women’s Health says that pregnant women should visit their doctor once every month between weeks 4 and 28. After that, you should go even more often.
4. Feel Everything
Okay. We’ve talked about the body, now it’s time to deal with your emotions. You may feel ready to parent a child. That’s great: keep visiting your doctor, stay healthy and decide in your own time and your own way how to tell others.
But you might not. That’s okay, too. Being a parent is a huge responsibility, and lots of people never feel ready. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that.
What’s important right now is to listen to every thought and feeling you have, because they’re all valid. This is harder to do than it is to say, but try to leave guilt out of the picture. In all likelihood, there will be moments where you feel like you’re thinking the “wrong” things. This couldn’t be further from the truth. You are a beautiful, brilliant person, and your instincts are probably right on the money.
In the end, you have three options: parenting, adoption and abortion. The right decision for you will depend on your immediate emotional instincts, the beliefs you hold dear, your hopes for the future, your financial situation and your support system.
No one can make this decision for you, but here are a few ways to put things in perspective:
- Make a list of your dreams and hopes for the future, and then try to imagine how having a baby could change that future.
- Write down your three options. For each one, list the down and up-sides. Then compare.
In the end, none of your options may seem “perfect.” Mixed emotions are really normal, even when you’ve narrowed down your options to one. Ask yourself if you can deal with those emotions. If so, you may have found your choice.
5. Reach Out If You Need Help
While this choice is yours to make, seeking guidance is a great idea. Even if you just want to learn more about your options, or have your feelings heard, our pregnancy options counselors can help. We’re here all day, every day and ready to listen. Call us for free anytime at 1-855-711-1609.
