Finding out you are pregnant, especially if it wasn’t planned, can feel overwhelming. You probably are feeling lots of different emotions like fear, confusion, pressure and have a bunch of questions.
If adoption was something that crossed your mind, you might wonder:
“Can I even call an adoption agency if I’m not sure that’s what I want to do?”
That’s a really great question to ask. In truth, it really depends on the adoption agency. Ethical adoption agencies will discuss all your options with you, answer all your questions, without any pressure or judgement. You want to call an agency that will talk with you about all of your options and not just jump right into adoption.
If you see an agency advertising as supporting options, you need to make sure they mean all the options.
Your options include:
- Parenting
- Abortion (depending on how far along you are in pregnancy)
- Adoption
Some religiously affiliated agencies may not discuss abortion at all no matter how early in your pregnancy you are. It’s ok if YOU decide you don’t want to explore abortion as an option but an agency should be honest with you that it’s one of the options you could choose from.
If you contact an agency that only talks to you about adoption, it probably not be the best agency to make sure that you have all your options presented and all your questions answered so that you can make an informed decision. Because adoption is a lifelong decision, it should never be rushed or treated as the “default” solution.
Agencies that truly value your right to choose will walk through every option, answer questions honestly, and help connect you with resources even if that means adoption ends up not being the right path for you. That can include help finding community support like diapers, formula, housing assistance, food pantries, prenatal care, or parenting resources.
Calling an adoption agency does not mean you’re committing to adoption
This is one of the biggest fears we hear, and it’s important to say clearly:
- Calling an adoption agency does not mean you have to choose adoption
- Meeting with an agency does not mean you have to place your child
- Filling out paperwork or an application does not lock you into adoption. Many forms are simply used to better understand your situation so the agency can provide appropriate support, not to bind you to a decision.
You should always feel like you are empowered to make whatever decision you feel is best after you have all your options explained to you. Even if you start exploring adoption more as an option, you should always feel like it’s ok if you change your mind.
An ethical agency would feel that they have done their job by providing you with all your options and letting you make the decision you feel is best even if you decide that’s not adoption.
You have the right to change your mind
You can change your mind at any point during the process. Even after birth, every state has laws that include a legal revocation period, which is a specific timeframe during which you can revoke consent after signing adoption paperwork.
Laws vary by state, and an ethical agency should clearly explain:
- What the revocation period is where you live
- When consent can legally be signed
- What your rights are at every step
If an agency is vague about this or minimizes your ability to change your mind, that’s a red flag.
Questions you will want to ask any adoption agency you contact
- Do you have separate counselors for pregnant people and adoptive parents?
- Can I talk with someone who has already been through this decision?
- How would it work if I change my mind?
- What is the revocation period in my state?
- What kind of support do you provide after someone chooses adoption?
- Can you connect me with community resources if I want to parent?
- If I choose adoption, what decisions do I get to make?
- Choosing the family
- Meeting them ahead of time
- Deciding on the level of openness
A good agency will not rush you through these questions but take time to answer them.
How you should feel when talking to an agency
Almost as important as the questions you as is how you FEEL when talking to an agency.
- Absolutely no pressure to choose adoption
- Free to be honest, even about hard things (substance use, lack of housing, uncertainty about the father, limited prenatal care, etc.)
- Comfortable asking as many questions as you need
- Supported regardless of what decision you make
If you ever feel pressured, rushed, or steered toward adoption as the “best” or “only” option, it’s okay to step away and find another agency.
A safe place to explore your options
It’s completely understandable if calling an adoption agency feels intimidating, especially if you’re just trying to figure out what your options even are. Don’t let that fear stop you from getting all the information you need to make an informed decision. There are agencies that focus first and foremost on you, your rights, and your well-being, not on convincing you to make a specific choice. You can take the first step by calling 800-355-5500.
